How Social Norms Fuel Generational Abuse

When we think of abuse, we often picture it as something that happens behind closed doors, an individual choice made in the privacy of a family or relationship. But abuse does not develop in isolation. It is shaped and reinforced by the culture around us. Social norms, what people believe is “normal,” acceptable, or expected, play a powerful role in why patterns of abuse are passed down through generations.

What Are Social Norms?

Social norms are the unwritten rules of a community at a certain point in time. They inform us about the common behaviors (what most people do) and those that are approved of (what most people consider right). For example, if you grew up in a community where harsh discipline was normal, you might have been taught that hitting or yelling at children was just “good parenting.” Or how an entire generation of children was told they should "be seen and not heard," created a generation of adults who weren't able to get a grasp on emotion and autonomy. Over time, those beliefs can be internalized and passed on.

Norms are often unique to their snapshots in time and evolve through local to universal events such as disasters, war, religion, governmental influence, and even propaganda, leaving scars on the people experiencing them, shaping the trauma of the future.

A review published in BMJ Global Health describes how social norms drive violence in childhood, showing that when harmful practices, like corporal punishment, are seen as acceptable, they are far more likely to continue.

The Cycle of Learned Behavior

Children learn by watching. When they grow up seeing violence or emotional neglect treated as normal, they often carry those lessons into adulthood. A longitudinal study on intergenerational abuse found that parents who were abused as children were significantly more likely to abuse their own children later on, who then pass along the abuse to the next generation, and so on.

This doesn’t mean every child who suffers abuse will become abusive. Many break the cycle through awareness, healing, and support. But it does highlight how family “norms” can feel natural, even when they are harmful, often causing others to repeat the same "norms" later in life.

When Abuse Doesn’t Look Like Abuse

One of the most concerning effects of social norms is how they shape our definitions of abuse. If a person grew up being shamed, hit, or ignored, they might not even see those behaviors as abusive. A study on adults’ beliefs about child abuse and neglect showed that people who experienced certain harmful behaviors in childhood were less likely to view those same behaviors as abusive later in life.

This helps explain why cycles of abuse can be so hard to break. If harmful actions are redefined as “normal discipline” or “just how relationships work,” they may go unchallenged for generations.

Culture and Society Matter Too

Norms don’t just exist inside families; they also reflect larger cultural and social messages. In some societies, corporal punishment in schools is still legal and widely accepted. In others, laws and policies strongly condemn it. A cross-cultural study found that when societies have stronger norms protecting children’s autonomy, people are less likely to tolerate abusive practices.

This means change is possible. When laws, schools, and communities challenge abusive norms, individuals often follow. Shining a light on the issues helps bring the problem to the surface, where communities can come together to begin the shifts needed for change.

The Long Reach of Generational Abuse

The effects of harmful norms don’t stop in childhood. Research on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) has shown that early abuse or neglect is linked not only to adult health problems, but also to later perpetration of violence, including elder abuse. This “intergenerational chain of violence” demonstrates how deeply norms of harm can embed themselves in family life.

With the scientific and psychological understanding of mental health and how it affects people's quality of life. Many people today are finding themselves in lives that aren't fulfilling, and in their journey to becoming more aware of what they've experienced as children and what they can do to live a happier and healthier life.

Breaking the Chain

The good news is that social norms can change. Over time, societies have shifted away from once-accepted practices like public corporal punishment or marital violence. And on an individual level, people can choose to challenge the “scripts” they were handed.

Awareness is the first step: asking ourselves, What did I learn was normal? Do I want to carry that forward? From there, education, therapy, community support, and healthy relationships can help build new norms—ones rooted in respect, empathy, and safety.

What steps are you taking to stop generational abuse in your own life?